Colorful chaos.

I’ve found myself resenting certain things, yet I must realize I have nothing to resent. New college kids, Asian mothers bicycling with cute Asian toddlers in their mini rickshaws downtown. Like, why can’t I have a clean slate again and stroll around downtown with my Asian toddler? Wait…

It’s kicking in: I’m getting older. That being said, I really don’t wish to have an Asian toddler anytime soon.

Move to a big city.
Travel around Europe.
Be young but responsible at the same time.

I need to RELISH in the fact that these things are all in my midst.

Gasp.

The rest of this year will be governed by the charismatic, gutsy, propelled version of myself. But really. And no pseudo-characteristics allowed.

So long, farewell.

I’ve recently noted in my life that whether or not I want to believe it, my memory is crap. In the past year, I’ve managed to more or less discover the most about myself than ever before. More than the moment of truth I had at age 8 that I could probably be a good kid if my younger sister was already trying to sneak peeks at boys penises. I just said that.

Alas, I’ve lacked the determination to document said changes in my life: self realization, aspirations, all of that. Hence, this blog post.

It feels as though light years of thoughts are running through my mind always, trying to edge down but dwindling then completely exasperated. The decency is the fact that they are light years, so I’m cheating the world’s time system and posting so I can hopefully look back at what has past. Time travel in a nutshell. Anyway.

My posts will generally be subtle but I will continue to reassure you that I’m a loser, nerd, and furthest from a normal person. I think I like to come across subtle. It’s safe, rather. When meeting a friend of a friend or a future boss or whomever, thinking “She’s pretty subtle” is better than other things, right? I don’t open up to many, because I have little hope in people sometimes.

It’s just the cold, hard facts. I think I’ll warm up sooner or later. Sometimes I’m too honest. A little bit of Chardonnay or a couple Irish car bombs sometimes bring out the bitchier Carissa. Most of the time I’m polite. Almost tooooo polite. I think I need to work on channeling both of those together for the ultimate tango. Until then, I will briefly continue to blab.

Today was my last first day of a college fall semester. So. Damn. Weird. I think there are 2 stages where life is just beyond you and the tide must simply roll with your identity: 1) junior high, 2) graduating college.

Unfortunately for me, I can’t win everyone over this time with my rendition of Roses by Outkast or my cool, Coca-Cola themed Christian shirt.

This is my life and it’s ending one moment at a time. (Thanks, Tyler Durdan.) Life as a successful surgical technologist is the goal. 9 months. 9 months.

Where will I be living?
Will there be amazing local coffee there?
Do I over analyze everything?
Can I have hardwood floors and a new black leather couch there?

It’s so crunch time. I will update this social media outlet when in dire need of venting. Or trying to travel faster than the speed of light habitually. Happy Monday, my homies.